Today I have been deluging my friends on Facebook with my process of thinking things through as I acknowledge Joe Biden’s very narrow victory. I am all over the map. I have studiously avoided watching any TV and have almost exclusively been attending to self-care. Living with PTSD is a bitch …. only compounded in times of societal anxiety.
My primary experience is one of relief. I can’t do any more Donald Trump….even as I know he will have an ongoing presence.
Then a friend asked me if I felt hope, joy and gratitude. Gratitude…a HUGE yes! Surprised that hope and joy feel more illusive right now. I am very discouraged at the closeness of this race and horrified to see the Trump followers totally embracing a fraud story now. I hope we recount as many times as demanded as we move into governance with a plan …even though I fear it will not alter the story. That in a nutshell has been my learning of hate and division these last years particularly since living in my new Alamogordo NM town. Yes, there is an alternative story but I know there is far more to this. My personal pain is how do people I know to be good people not call out local hate speech? Can we find common ground on issues if not leaders? Is it possible to create something different? If healing can’t happen here where I live (the land of Trump) I don’t think it will happen elsewhere in any lasting way.
I posted one of my favorite songs, by Florence and the Machine, The Dog Days are Over, because that is what my heart wants mostly to feel. Then I immediately was struck with how my relief is someone else’s fear…..like I felt 4 years ago. How do we find common ground? I like that I hear this new leader calling for unity but I don’t know what that even means anymore. The call nevertheless makes me feel safer and perhaps that is plenty to celebrate on this day in this moment. I shall shift to gospel/spirituals this afternoon!
I see myself as a healer with an ability to walk both sides for the most part. I am a good listener and I love that we are different and an expression of oneness. And I am getting old. Will I have the energy to help build something new that works across these divides and leaves hatred and division behind? I know first I have to rest.
Will meaningful hope be kindled?